“Labels Steal, Self Love Heals”
@fatmanfresh
I have been struggling with my weight for as far as I can remember. Growing up I was always the heaviest kid in most social circles I circumnavigated. Although I was younger, less wise and of course larger than joe average, that didn’t stop me from being myself and living my best life (whatever that millennial idiom means). Uninvited comments with the intention and premise to taunt, tease & dismiss me about my weight by way of “fellow” peers did not phase me one bit, Least I thought until later on in life.
In hindsight due to the varying degrees of toxic and malignant sub-environments I was exposed to across and throughout different stages of my adolescent life, emotional and psychological turbulence was an inevitable part of my journey (Sorry Anna Wintour). It was just a question of When and How? Words carry a lot of weight and can weigh heavily on one. If given the power, words are capable of enriching or dimming one’s spirit. Labels by way of words from “peers” have manifested and caught up with me which in turn has cultivated an array of self-esteem dilemmas including but not limited to the following, eagerness to always please others at whichever cost, emotional eating, procrastination, loneliness, anxiety and depression.
The aforementioned has intermittently followed me through into the present-day version of myself. Food has been both my saviour and tormentor, my friend and foe. Like a drug, food in surplus and excess has taken me on a mystery Ferris wheel ride. It was a friend when no lending ear was available, it elevated my mood and hoisted my spirit when I was at my lowest, it was my movie mate. I could always count on it, as it always readily available and at my disposal, it was my solace and solitude. And Just like a drug I couldn’t escape it’s addictive and enigmatic qualities and spellbinding nature.
It took me almost three decades to take notice and connect the dots as to why I am the way I am today. I let myself go in every way possible, at the expense of my health, ambitions, and relationships. Self-prescribing myself with a cocktail of unhealthy, indulgent and self-destructive habits and behaviours was a sort of coping mechanism I used to appease and avoid the underlying emotional and psychological stress I was experiencing.
Succumbing to sinful desires as a means of coping has gone into overdrive and the effects have hit me oh so very hard. Most importantly my relationship with myself has suffered greatly. Older and wiser, I’ve decided to enlist the counsel of an effective psychotherapist practitioner to learn more about myself. I was reintroduced to the person that was hiding within me all these years. I apologized for neglecting, overlooking, and dismissing him and made an oath to always work with his best interest in mind.
Getting to know this wondrous person whom resides within me is the first step to self-love, appreciation and confidence. Allowing this person to shine through no matter what is key to my growth and wellbeing. I have carried negative words and labels with me for many years and allowed them to ferment, manifest and thrive in my subconscious mind which in turn has negatively influenced my relationship with my inner self. Therapy did not only allow me to explore my inner self further but allowed me to dig deep and extrapolate the deeply rooted precursors that contributed to shaping the person I am today.
Therapy has helped with emancipating and disenfranchising me from the perils of self-destruction. Words and labels if given the power vis a vis the subconscious mind can manifest and swiftly become part of one’s realty. It is important that we as humans be mindful of the labels and words, we assign to ourselves and others as they play key role in shaping our future.
POURHOMMEGROS 